This is what I feel like doing today.
Yay Canadian Talent! Woot Woot! So good…
- Posted 4 months ago
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- Canadian Band
- Canadian Talent
- Walk off the Earth
- great song
- Somebody that I used to know
Print by ALPHABITS OF WISDOM on Etsy.
Sista from Another Mother
I have recently been so lucky as to add a +1 to my friend column. Since I value quality over quantity this is a very significant achievement for me thank you very much!
My brother would likely argue that since “Shelly” was (and is) his girlfriend first, that I cannot re-label her as my friend instead. To that I say… tough shit bro.
C.S. Lewis (novelist, poet, academic, and more) is quoted as saying, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” What a wise MoFo!
To be honest, those things that Shelly and I have in common usually include the embarrassing, the awkward, or the down-right ridiculus, but, no matter… I like her the more for it! With so much wierd stuff in common I consider her one of my “Sistas from another Mother”.
So what do you do when someone enters your “family and friends” circle???? Give her a playful nick-name of course! So I have crowned her “Conchetta”. Why you ask?…
Shelly = characterized by a Shell = Conch (a type of shell) = Concha (shell in spanish but also vulgar spanish slang for vagina) = Conchetta (Spanish/Italian name of or having to do with vaginas or the imaculate conception)
So there!
- Posted 4 months ago
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- friend
- friendship
- new friend
- sister in law
- sister from another mother
- stuff in common
- Shell
- Conch
lykewtfshelly asked: Why don't you talk about me more on your blog? I thought we were soulmates?!
Your wish is my command!
Hockey Replay
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This conversation occurs after my husband returns from the restroom at a bar to find everyone there celebrating...
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Husband:What did I miss?
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Me:The Leafs got a point!
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Husband:Really, what happened?
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Me:Ummmmm... well the number 6 guy had the puck.
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Husband:Yeah?
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Me:And he was pushing it with the stick...
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Husband:Yeah?
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Me:And then something tripped him and he fell with his arms and legs stretched out like this... (demonstration)
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Husband:Okaaaaay....
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Me:And coincidentally one of the blue guys happened to be there and was like "Oh, a puck!"
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Husband:(blinks)
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Me:And then he took his stick and hit the puck to the ummmm... gatekeeper! And then the gatekeeper missed blocking it and it went into the gate!
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Husband:Thanks. Nevermind the replay is on.
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Me:Ok
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Husband (after watching replay):Hmmmmm... Actually it happened exactly like you said.
As Nancy stared at the natural beauty that surrounded her she thought, “Hmmmm…. I wonder if God is male.”
from my trip to Moncton, NB
- Posted 5 months ago
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- funny
- god
- god is male
- looks like
- natural beauty
- nature
- new brunswick
- canada
“Pickles, by nature, glow in the dark.”
Dreaming: Dec 17, 2011
I’m at a highschool with Lindsay Lohan and she is showing me around (very nice of her). As we enter the school there is a line of reporters calmly standing against the wall. Lindsay gets to choose which reporter she wants to talk to. She picks one female reporter who asks her a few polite questions then lets us go on our merry way. After that I follow Lindsay around the school like a lost puppy dog. The next day, we follow the same routine. On the 3rd day the reporter isn’t there but she sends Lindsay a few questsions on her school account (something like a facebook account where you get the red circle notifying you that you have messages). I suggest that she reads them but Lindsay chooses to ignore them.
As we head to the cafeteria at lunchtime we realize that the power is out and there are no students to be found anywhere in the school. It’s dark and the halls are empty. We are looking around the cafeteria when 3 lunch ladies came in and tell us that we are out of luck. “Sorry, no food for you.” We explain how hungry we are and 2 of the lunch ladies offer me some pickles, ground beef, and a diet gingerale. Lindsay has now disappeared and left me alone with the lunch ladies.
I then explain my next problem. I have to go to the washroom but if i do I won’t be able to see at all in the dark dungeon-like school. I complain that I will probably have to go potty with the door open since there is light in the hallway but not in the washrooms. She scoffs at the idea. “Honey,” she says, “pickles, by nature, glow in the dark. All you have to do is break one in half like a glow stick when you need light.”
Then… I wake up and I have to pee.
LESSON LEARNED: Next time I go camping, I’m bringing pickles.
- Posted 5 months ago
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- weird
- dream
- pickles
- glow in the dark
- linsay lohan
- cafeteria ladies
A Love letter to my dear Russian Hacker…
I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I have never seen your face since our relationship is long distance but I choose to imagine that your physique resembles that of famous Russian gymnast Alexei Nemov. I spent all of yesterday thinking of you and your ripped bod.
I want to thank you for thinking of me on my birthday. What better way to show me you care on that day than by hacking my account? Truly this was a gift that kept on giving. In fact, today I am still discovering some of your surprises!
There are so many things that I love about you… I love that you are smart enough to hack me but not smart enough to make sure most of your hacks work (you get points for just trying baby). I love that you were considerate enough to avoid perverted websites (shout out for being classy sweetheart). I love that you did all of this without me even knowing… you are so smooth baby.
Finally, I want you to know how much I appreciate the opportunity to clean up after you. Picking up my husband’s dirty underwear off the floor is not nearly as sexy as having to clean up your shit.
Love Always, Nancy
“Mom, it’s just a sheep that lives underwater”
Dreaming: Dec 14, 2011
I’m goofing around and singing (don’t know where I am or what I’m singing). An elderly Christian lady and her teenage son hear me singing. She says, “Hi, we’re Christians. We like your singing. Will you come sing in our church choir?” I agree and poof I’m singing in a church choir (NOTE that I am not religious at all).
Poof again… Now I’m with the Christians and my whole family (including some aunts and cousins, etc.) on a cargo ship. The cargo covers most of the ship but there is a flat part at the front that has no railing and is inches away from the water. We are all gathered in this area. It looks like this:
Suddenly a flattened cardboard box flies over our heads and into the water. ”Oh, no! That’s pollution!” we cry. So we turn the ship around to go pick the box out of the water. Apparently the ship handles like a small fishing boat instead of a massive freighter. I kneel down with my brother Joseph and cousin Michael at the edge of the boat (keep in mind there is no railing) and try to reach the garbage. Oh, no! This causes the front of the boat where we are kneeling to slowly dip below the water. Aparently, now the freighter handles like a dingy. This reminds me of when I leaned too far forward while water tubing this summer and went under. I feel myself falling into the water in slow motion. Then, ploop, everyone falls in the water.
Poof, now we’ve magically “parked” the freighter in a shallow part of the ocean. We are all swimming leisurely in the crystal clear water. As my mom and I dunk our heads under the water we see a cartoon-looking little black sheep frolicking under water with his friend the miniature horse.
They are friendly but my mom is shocked and scared. She starts to back away, the sheep in particular scares her. I say reasuringly, “Mom, its a bah bah black sheep.” In her spanish accent she replies “I don understand.” To this I reply, ”Mom, it’s just a sheep that lives and breathes underwater.”
Then, I wake up.
- Posted 5 months ago
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- black sheep
- cargo
- miniature horse
- pollution
- sheep
- ship
- underwater
- weird
- dream
